Outside, Inside, and All About!

We are painting our picnic table Heirloom Red. At first we gasped when we open the can, but we really like it!!

This is a "before" shot of the top of the table. I will post an "after" shot once everything is painted!

Life will never be the same!! Check out Asher's face. Colson is into everything!! The boys are very good natured about it, but in this moment, Asher had had enough!!

Did I mention that we love Colson???....

a lot!!!

Eating banana bread...and loving it!!

At Rhodes Grove for a graduation party. May he always lean upon the cross....

Ezra is growing...We are planning on homeschooling him in the fall. We attended the Harrisburg Homeschool Convention...had a great time...and are sooooo excited for what we will be teaching him this fall. Delton and I have been pouring over the curriculum catalog, staying up way too late to talk about it...and are anxious for fall to come!

Daddy's little man.

Delton preached at Spirit of Christ in Chambersburg. We went out for lunch, then right over to Rhodes Grove. We didn't change...so Delton's outfit is in the wash, covered with bright green pollen!!

Look at me, mommy! I'm walking!!

Ezra lost his first tooth while Delton and I were at the Homeschool Convention. He accidentally swallowed it, and was a bit concerned that the tooth fairy might not show up if there wasn't a tooth to be seen! Never fear...the tooth fairy came!!

Asher doesn't like monsters, even if he talks about them a lot. He was concerned about this mysterious "tooth fairy" we started talking about. He was relieved to find out that Delton was the tooth fairy, and every time we mentioned the tooth fairy reminded Delton..."Remember, daddy, YOU'RE the tooth fairy." No scary strangers coming into my bedroom, right?? (Just daddy in a purple tutu...now that is scary!! lol)

Ezra took some pictures of me. I was pleased with this one (and deleted the rest! :)

What, mom?

He never fails to make us smile!!! What a gem!!

Picture time!!

Easter pictures at church. The boys love to climb this retaining wall. Makes me so nervous!! Overprotective mom, or empowering mom of boys...sigh...it is always a struggle!!

Just a glimpse into our life. We are so blessed by all we have been given!!

Moments

Ezra, Asher and Delton went fishing this morning. Ezra caught his first fish, all by himself!

Wow!!

Colson is "cruising". This is his attempt to make it across the "great divide". He is 10 months old...just got his first two teeth!! It is hard to believe that in the next few weeks, he will be cruising even more and making my life much more exciting!

A college roommate from Long Island was coming to Hershey Chocolate World with her husband and 2 year old. I bravely (with a bit of fear and trembling!) took all three boys there by myself to meet her. It went great!! We rode the ride twice, ate cookies, let the boys play outside, and came home, all in about 7 hours. My favorite part (besides visiting with Kate, my college roommate) was the 3 hours of driving time. Sleeping boys, a quiet van, and time alone with my thoughts....I felt very refreshed when I arrived home!!

Strawberry! (He reminds me of my sister, Katie, in this picture. Any guesses why, Lengeman family?)

Colson is checking out Asher's birthday fishing rod! He was quite taken with it!!

Delton's new routine is to take a morning walk around our yard and check out how things are growing. He is kind enough to include Colson in these walks so I have a few minutes to wake up! Here, I found him in our garden (one of our gardens!) getting worms!

Birthday boy, Asher! He turned 3 on the 27th!!

Ezra enjoying the feel of freshly turned earth in our other garden. We started out only intending to have a 4x10 raised garden. Now, let's just say we are in waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy over our heads (and loving it!!). Sweet corn, anyone?

Dad is looking at our recently purchased lawn mower, but I can't take my eyes off my little guy!!

Big stuff!! Show and tell!

So...that is a snapshot of our life. I must say, life is good!!

Milestones and Moments

 Colson just captures my heart. I love his smile, his bright eyes, his laugh. Really- he is just perfect!!

 Colson is a very happy baby. We love him!!

 See Delton's glazed-over eyes? That's what happens when you spend 5 minutes pushing two kids around on a tricycle. Are we done yet?

 Finally!!

 This is my life....what keeps me busy, what keeps my heart full to overflowing...

Ezra bought some handcuffs recently. Out of the myriad of way that handcuffs can be used in play, the boys have decided that it is fun to "lock up" their stuffed animals. The kitchen chairs are their place of choice. It often looks a bit macabre when you walk in our kitchen and see curious george, or a cuddly teddy bear, hanging by cuffs. It is also amazing what you get used to.

Can I help, Dad??

 A milestone...Asher moved out of the toddler bed and into the lower bunk on the right of the picture. I try to place a large stuffed animal beside him to keep him from falling out, but it doesn't always work. I was out of bed at 2 a.m the other day to care for Colson, when I heard a thump and a cry. Whoops. Guess the stuffed animal idea didn't work as expected.

 Asher has such a beautiful spirit. I am learning that he doesn't use words to express his emotions. When saying "I'm sorry" or "I love you", he will give gifts...I have to be aware, because he will just stand beside me quietly, holding a toy or a picture he has made. He'll hand it to me, smile, and run away. I have to be quick if I want to hug him!

 My big boy...almost 5!

Asher....he melts my heart!

 What a milestone! Ezra had been using my camera batteries in his Leap-Max. I stole them back from him in time to catch this moment. No training wheels! Delton figures there must be something on the market that allows dad's to participate in this moment without killing their backs!

 Brotherly fun!! Bad guys...and their doll! :)

...and back to Colson! I can't say enough about how much he blesses us.

~Thank you, Father, for your gifts of Delton, Ezra, Asher and Colson. Truly, every good and perfect gift does come from You~

A Whole Lotta Something

I have several friends with blogs. I keep seeing their blogs changing, and I feel a little left behind. Really. Cool layouts, tabs...when did I get left in the dark ages? So, if the layout of this blog changes, as I hope it does, you'll know that I am desperately trying to keep up with the Joneses.

We took a trip to Lurgan Greenhouse today. Delton has been there many times, but I have never been. We decided to make our garden list and head there for a fun family outing. We pulled out of our driveway at 9:02 a.m., which was just 2 minutes past our goal time. Awesome. The greenhouse was about 45 minutes away, so we should arrive around... 10:35am. Oh my. What went wrong?

Well, Delton and I enjoy traveling together. We enjoying having time just to talk, and talk, and talk...As we drove up I81, I was about to comment to Delton that I didn't realize that his sales territory took him so far north, when Delton slapped his forehead and threw his ballcap. "What am I doing?" he shouted. You see, we were supposed to have gotten off at exit 20. Yep. We overshot our exit by 24 miles. Yikes.

So, with a lot of laughter, we got ourselves turned around, and made it to Lurgan Greenhouse a little later than we planned. We had a great time, and still managed to get home and accomplish all we wanted to. A good time, even with the unplanned detour!
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Ezra was given a Leap-Max (sort of an educational pre-school gameboy) a few weeks ago. He loves drawing on the screen with an "app" called Color Corral. A few days ago, I was playing with the boys, helping them set up their train track. Ezra had asked for my help.
Okay, Ezra, here I am. Let's start building your train track.
Ezra sat down, and grabbed his Leap-Max.
Ezra! We are building a train track right now.
Yeah, mom. I know.
It took a bit, but I finally realized that Ezra was drawing the train track layout on the Leap-Max, planning out where the roundhouse would go and planning what the track layout should be before we started "for real". I stopped talking and let him finish, a bit humbled. Who is this child that is growing up faster than I can keep up?

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Are you ever pulled back to childhood, to a memory of your mom, as you take care of your home? I have to smile each time I vaccum and remember mom telling me...Never vaccum with the lights off. I usually remember this when I find myself vaccuming in a dark room. Sorry, mom.
In my house growing up, the last task that was done before company came, was the lighting of candles. Can I light them now, mom? Not yet. Now? Just wait. Now? Okay...it's time. And the candles were lit, the house was clean, the meal was ready, and our company came. My boys are too young to help in the lighting of the candles, too young, perhaps, even to enjoy their ambiance, but I enjoy the glow, and it makes me feel a bit more prepared, a bit more grown up, a bit more like my mom as I wait for company, house clean, meal ready, candles glowing.

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God seems so close when I read this quote...my hunger to know Him seems renewed...and the longing in me seems intensified, and somehow also satisfied...

Have you longed for a place where you come as you are and are welcomed every time? There is such a place. Welcome to the mane of the Lion of Judah, where all God's children can bury their faces when they are sad, celebrate when they are glad, rest when they are tired, and find fresh vision and purpose when they are ready to live again. ~Sheila Walsh Outrageous Love

Thanks for walking along on this journey with me.

I Almost Missed It

I walked into Ezra's room today. He was kneeling by his bed.
"It is nap time, buddy. In your bed."
But mom, I want to play!
"Nope...in your bed!"
And then I noticed his folded hands, and heard what he had really said...
But mom, I want to PRAY.
"okay, buddy. That's great. Just get into bed when you are done."
I walked out, told Delton what had just happened, and from his bedroom heard his voice, quietly, as he prayed.

On Death and Dying

"I thought you were dead! But then I thought I was dead myself! Is everything sad going to come untrue?" (Lord of the Rings)...  The answer of Christianity to that question is - yes. Everything sad is going to come untrue and it will somehow be greater for having once been broken and lost.
                                                                                                           (The Reason for God, Keller, p33)
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My dad called me yesterday to tell me a police chase that ended in downtown Waynesboro made the local news in Lancaster. I had no idea...
I drove into town minutes after he called, noticing the reside on the road, the sand, the cover for the debris of an accident. I still didn't know...
I sat down in an easy chair at my in-law's house, picking up Colson. Did you hear about the police chase? flippantly...
and then I found out that someone had been killed in that police chase. An innocent victim, the mother of nine, a friend of Delton's aunt, a woman I had met only one time, just weeks ago. Judy.
...and I am haunted by her death, by the loss, by the hurt caused by the action of another. And I am glad that I met her, glad that I have a face to go along with a name, even if meeting her, even briefly, has made my sorrow deeper.
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I have been paging through a scrapbook filled with photos of my life, a gift from my mom. I see pictures of my last bridal shower, and I think Sylvia left early because it was too painful for her to sit.
I see pictures of those who attended my wedding and I remember Sylvia  found out that week that she had bone cancer.

M-Tec pictures from that year remind me...Sylvia died that day.

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My mom gave birth to my youngest sister the night before my family moved. I spent moving day in the new kitchen, organizing, directing, stepping in and doing what my mom would have done had she been there. But she wasn't, and the burden fell to the shoulders of my sibings and I.

At the end of that long day, with the house in order, I started upstairs, and made it only halfway. I sat down on a step, and realized I didn't have the energy to go any further. My resources, both emotional and physical, had been emptied as I stepped into the void created by the absence of my mom...

and I think about the children left behind, who are dealing with the raw grief of losing their mother...and I think about the times they will be unable to make it up the stairs fully, and of the times, eventually, when they will climb the steps easily.

Why I smile...

Asher unloaded this cupboard, played in it, then put his feet in bowls and slid around the kitchen. I think I will wash all my tupperware before using it for a while...

Colson makes me smile...makes everyone smile. He is rolling around, so close to crawling. We love him!

Daddy and Colson on our evening treck through "our" woods. Colson loves being outside.

A beautiful shot of the moon.

What It's Like

A wooden heart kept his office door propped open, an invitation to enter. Monday morning, his boss knocked briskly on the opened door, then poked his head in.
“Remember the performance review this afternoon, s.h. Lot’s to discuss”…and he was gone.

s.h. sat at his desk, his head bowed. What was going on? This project that had flowed seamlessly for months, even years, was suddenly presenting problems.…and not just simple problems.

s.h. sighed. This project, a small but necessary area he was responsible for, was simply not working. No matter what he tried, s.h. was at a loss to discover the key to the problem.

I don’t understand, he whispered. What changed? Day in, day out, I ran this project without even thinking about it. Nothing with the project has changed, so the problem must be…me.

At the performance review, s.h.’s boss was bewildered. “Figure it out, s.h.! Enough messing around. Just get it done!!”

s.h. returned to his desk, more frustrated than ever. His boss just didn’t understand…and frankly, neither did he.

The days passed. The issues with the project remained unsolved. s.h. began to dread his boss’s entrance into his office.

“Don’t forget the performance review!”

How could he forget? His failure to perform was always on his mind, especially as he saw others continuing on effortlessly in their projects, projects that once came easily to him as well. What was wrong with him?

“s.h.!! What is your problem? No one else is having these issues! Look…” his boss’s voice softened. “I’ll give you a nice bonus if you get the project working again!

“Grrrrrr! s.h. wanted to scream. In some ways, the incentives made the problem worse. You think I am trying this? I want that bonus, yes, but I can’t get it because I can’t change the problem…because I don’t know what the problem is!!

Before long, s.h. found himself growing tense each morning, anticipating the need to confront both the project, and his failure, once again. Tense, anticipating his boss’s knock on the open door. “Performace review coming up today.”

How s.h. related to his co-workers changed. His inner struggle exploded on those around him. The confusion, plummeting self esteem, and his hopeless future tangled him up inside.

He used to love going to the break room, laughing with his co-workers and catching up on their progress with their projects.

But now he found it easier to stay in his office during breaks. It was easier to try and forget his failures. Easier to block out the pity of others and their obvious success.

One day, s.h. finally kicked away the doorstop and closed his door.

PotPourri

We spent a week sick...all but Colson. This is the juice we lived on, along with oyster crackers. Delton and I were so low that we were forgetting to feed the boys. Asher, who fared better than the rest of us, had to ask for food. Poor guy! Colson waited until we were all better before coming down with a cold. I don't know how I would have handled it otherwise!

Asher beebasher! :)

Toys for Christmas? Why?

Colson, you are deeply loved!

Hodge Podge

I am NOT crafty. At all. The thought of "craft time" makes my blood pressure rise...that said, I get very excited when I think of something that allows Ezra to be creative, because Ezra LOVES crafts, loves being creative. Sooooo...decorating a cake with m&m's is right up his alley. Fun times!!

Colson reminds me of my brother Daniel. He looks like I remember Daniel as a baby, and they are both third in line. Wonder if Colson will grow up to be a lawyer like Uncle Daniel?

  Brotherly affection...

I love the pictures of Great-Grandma Sollenberger holding each of the boys. I thought this one was so precious.

SPD

I am going to start this post and see how far I get. I probably should write this some other time, because I am already crying, but here goes. Do you know what Sensory Processing Disorder is? No? Neither did I until a few months ago.
One of my boys, who I will call s.h (superhero), is dealing with spd. A mild form, so mild that the occupational therapist doesn't need to see him again. But this mild spd is still rocking our world.
Last week, s.h. wore clothing for 2 hours from Monday through Thursday. Two hours. As the temperature dropped, as he took meds for bronchitis, my beautiful boy couldn't handle the feeling of clothing other than his underwear. They tickle. They have tickled since he was 32 months old. It has been a long journey.
Tags need to be cut out of shirts. His snow boots are the only shoes he has worn for months. He will wear only one style of socks, of which we have 4 pairs. He now refuses to wear a coat, refuses to layer clothing, is unable to handle the feel, the tickle...
"Mom, will I go to school at Christmas?"
no, not yet.
"But mom, will I be grown up at Christmas?"
well, you will be older than you are today.
"But mom! Will the tickle go away at Christmas? Will it go away????"
Why am I sharing this with you? Many reasons. This blog is about my life, and this has consumed my life and changed what is normal.

I am sharing this so that you will understand why s.h. may be wearing the same outfit he wore last week, the same clothes he has been in all week, and why we are simply thankful that he has clothes on. I am sharing this so that if I fail to smile at you you won't be offended, but realize that we may have spent the last 40 minutes before church trying to get a shirt, or pants, or shoes, on a child that wants so desperately for the tickle to go away...but it won't. And he can't make it go away, and we can't make it go away.

I am sharing this so that if you have ever judged a parent for their parenting decisions, as I have, that you will recognize that there may be more going on here than you can see. You may not see a parent crying inside because she doesn't know how to help her son. How to give her son the wings he needs to fly. Doesn't know if her son is ever going to be able to go to school...or play in the snow...So many layers...so many ups and downs...
...but there is a child asleep in his bed right now that is so loved, so delighted in, such a blessing...and this is simply a part of our journey with him.......